A Call To Action
A Call To Action
An open letter to the USA
Look in the mirror
The evil within
The root of all fear
The base of all sin
Choose between
Money and guns
Or the lives of our children
Our mothers and sons
In America we value wealth over all
Shooting our children
Afraid of the call
A call to action
No prayers
No tears
Someone do something
When will it stop
You and I must be brave
And stand up
Stand up to gun lobbys
Pass new laws
Protecting gun money
Allowing murder and hate
Look in the mirror
Before it’s too late
The root of all freedom
The root of all love
Choosing our children
Our mothers and sons
Look in the mirror
And lay down the guns
It’s Been A Year
Hello friends and welcome back! It has been a year, literally, since my last post, interview, etc. There is a part of me that is disappointed in myself for putting The Mindful Educator on hold. But, I just didn’t want to post for the sake of posting.
The podcast interviews and such also stopped. Looking back, I needed to be inspired by something or someone to do this work publicly.
This time last year we were navigating the turbulent waters of returning to school in a hybrid model and all that goes with it. The little bandwidth I had left needed to be focused on family.
However, in the last year my personal mindfulness, meditation, and yoga practice flourished out of necessity.
There was also a major career change at the beginning of this school year. Although, I had been teaching mindfulness and band for several years at the high school, my vision was failing me to the degree that I couldn’t see the music scores even with corrective lenses and a font size of 20! Feeling it wasn’t fair to my students I made a change.
This year I feel blessed and grateful to continue teaching mindfulness to eager high school students and staff as well as being a member of our School Support Specialist team. The SSS team assists with a variety of things including restorative practices, implementing SEL, and professional development.
Like many of you I am always searching for ways to deepen my personal and professional practice. So, I decided to continue my certifications with #breathe4change!
Breathe For Change is a remarkable organization also on a mission to make the world a better place one educator and student at a time. I highly recommend them as a resource for your overall well-being.
Looking forward to diving back into The Mindful Educator and reconnecting with all of you.
Gratefully,
Mary
Schools: Everything to Everybody
Last week the White House Corona virus Task Force members testified on the Federal response to the pandemic. Dr. Anthony Fauci, Dr. Stephen Hahn, Admiral Brett Giroir, and Dr. Robert Redfield tried to answer questions from a panel of senators. It was obvious if a question was politically or medically framed. The Task Force was constantly interrupted by the questioning senators. Don’t these people have manners?
As a teacher the first thing I wanted to do was blow my recess whistle, put everyone in detention, and send them to their counselor.
How disheartening and confusing for our students to watch this kind of rude and skewed behavior from our leaders.
New rules should govern the way the politicians are allowed to communicate. Just imagine if these folks were in one of our classes!
On the topic of reopening schools, Dr. Robert Redfield, Director of the CDC, testified that he wants schools to reopen. A grandfather of 11, he feels comfortable sending them back to school. Dr. Redfield proceeded to list out all the reasons why students are better off at school than at HOME.
The list of services I am about to rattle off is no surprise to educators. Right or wrong schools have become everything for everybody.
Ready? Here it goes:
Students are better off at school than at home because schools provide:
Nutrition Services.
Mental and Emotional Services.
Suicide Prevention.
Child Abuse Reporting.
Social Connections.
Education.
Yes, education came last. Doesn’t it feel that way as a school staff member? We feed students and families with the free or reduced lunch program and provide food for the weekends. We support our students’ mental and emotional health in various ways including teaching them how to manage and recognize emotions in the body, conflict resolution strategies, and free professional counseling appointments.
Suicide has become frighteningly prevalent. Friends and teachers frequently recognize suicidal signs and are able to get support for the student. And schools frequently teach lessons about what the signs are and how to talk frankly to a student who might be considering suicide.
Educators and school staff are mandatory reporters of child abuse. Children sometimes confide in a trusted adult and teachers will see behavioral changes that could be a sign of abuse or neglect.
Social connections and interactions are vital to building healthy relationships. Daily engagement with peers creates life-long lessons about team building, friendship, and compassion.
Educational opportunities for students can feel rushed on the surface, or part of a check list. There is little time to slow down and go deep into topics and lessons because schools have become everything to everybody.
Apparently, child care is also high on the list. Parents can’t work if their kids are home also trying to do their homework.
What does this say about us as a country? Many kids are better off not with their families?
I don’t think we believe that. It just sounds so wrong.
How did we get here? If schools are that important then why do we EVER cut a budget and take away funding? Listening to the local and national news makes it sound like without schools reopening the entire country is at a stand still.
Now is the time to look at educational institutions and decide what we want them to do? Educate?
Maybe it is time to fund and not cut all the other social services that families and students need for success.
It is a sign of the inequity among the races and the classes. The impoverished, blue collar, middle class, upper class, and the in between class.
Why should parents have to both work, or work 2 jobs, in order to survive?
What if parents could take turns staying home with the kids so all the healthy things that come from family life has time to thrive?
There is a silver lining. Right or wrong America is realizing how important schools are to the success of our society.
Books and Activites: Lower Stress and Anxiety
Hi Friends! This is a re-posting of books and activities to help with our rising stress and anxiety. We are hearing more conflicting conversations about opening schools. This is causing a great deal of confusion and anxiety for teachers, students, and parents. Now, more than ever we need to seek stability in our own well-being as the chaos continues.
Remember, you are the experts. An expert in what is best for you, your family, and your students. When you are more grounded the chaos can’t unseat you as easily.
Feb 17 Written By Mary Bengel
Hello friends,
It is helpful to read books written on the subjects about the concepts we share on The Mindful Educator website.
Here are some of my favorites. I will continue to update the list. Enjoy checking out these books and discovering some of your own!
Full Catastrophe Living: Using The Wisdom of Your Own Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness
By John Kabat ZinnWherever You Go, There You Are
By John Kabat ZinnMaking Sense of Mindfulness: Five Principals to Intergrate Mindfulness Into Your Daily Life By Keith Macpherson
Living in the Flow: Reminders for A Supremely Happy Life
By Craig Steven PhillipsCoach The Person Not The Problem: A Simple Guide To Coaching for Transformation By Chad Hall
Practicing Mindfulness: 75 Essential Meditations to Reduce Stress, Improve Mental Health and Find Peace in the Everyday
By Mathew SockolovConquer Negative Thinking for Teens. A workbook to break the nine thought habits that are holding you back.
by Mary Karapetian Alvord, PhD and Anne McGrath, MA
The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens. CBT and ACT skills to help you build social confidence.
by Jennifer Shannon, LMFT
Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety. A workbook for overcoming anxiety at home, at school, and everywhere else.
by Christopher Willard, PsyD
10. Relax Into Yoga for Seniors. A six week program for strength, balance, flexibility, and pain relief. [Includes:
Downloadable guided audio practices.]
by Kimberly Carson, MPH, E-RYT and Carol Krucoff, E-RYT
Mindfulness Activities You Can Do Almost Anywhere
Mindful Walking: Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to move like a slug to get the benefit of this mindfulness practice. Try it at different tempos and see which pace or multiple paces of walking works for you. So, what is mindful walking? It means you are directing your attention to how it feels to move from one foot to another as you walk. You can be curious about different body parts as you travel across different textured and shaped flooring. Here are some examples:
+How do my feet feel from the heal-arch-ball of the foot-to the toes? Can you feel the shape of your arch? Do you feel how your toes spread apart with pressure?
Check out different parts of your body as you move with grace. Avoid beating yourself up because maybe your knees hurt possibly highlighting over use.
Mindful Eating: This is one of my students favorite things to do! I recommend trying this every day with each meal just for 1 bite to start. It is best, with this activity, to eat more slowly than teachers are in the habit of doing. We are so use to shoveling our lunch to get back in class before the kids do.
+Select a food you like. Before taking a bite really look at it’s texture, color, and then SMELL it. What does it smell like? Then as you take your first bite feel the texture, how it is breaking down as you chew, what does it feels like on your tongue and teeth, and then swallow that first bite when you are ready. [My students said they actually eat slower and get more enjoyment out of lunch time while eating mindfully.
Re-Opening Schools: A Matter of Life or Death.
It was already a gamble working in a school. In the last 15 years each day became more risky with every school shooting.
In some parts of our country fights break out in the hallways and both students and staff end up in the ER.
The almost complete lack of autonomy, creativity, and lack of funding has broken the spirit of many educators.
Sounds grim and depressing? Well, it is. Sure, there are unbeatable rewards. On a daily basis students and staff learn life lessons from each other, create memories through all kinds of activities and sports and best of all we have the opportunity to impact each others lives. Mostly for the good.
Gritty, scrappy, and self sacrificing are the hall marks of an educator. Gritty because you have to be unbelievably resilient in the face of daily obstacles and demands coming at you from all sides. Scrappy, because you have to literally make EVERYTHING out of almost NOTHING. And self-sacrificing because we put our students and schools before our families or our personal well being!
But, these are not normal times. We can’t work or live like this anymore.
Teachers are so good. We always want to do the right thing by everyone no matter what the cost.
The cost of going back to school. before a vaccine, just got to high. Teachers are being forced to go back or take a “leave of absence” or quit the career they love.
We now have a line in the sand. What will you chose? Life or death? And not just for yourself but your students, their families, and ours.
Mental and emotional well-being of our students is in jeopardy. Okay, but what good is their mental health if many of them get the virus or worse die.
How will the mental health of our students be once friends, teachers, and family fall ill or worse?
Teachers are superheroes not sheep. Our combined intelligence, resilience, and experience is insurmountable. We’ve just forgotten that inside we are warriors who stand up for all that is good in this world.
Is it mindful to sit back, meditate, pray, and hope for the best? No. Is it mindful and compassionate to assume our leaders will make the right decisions? No.
But, it is mindful and compassionate to truly be in touch with our inner voice and intuition to state what we truly feel is the safest, equitable, and compassionately courageous method of temporarily re-opening learning.
Do you ever wonder why it is so easy for people with detrimental hidden agendas to spew garbage? It’s because instead of breathing, feeling, and pausing they instead react from the gut. Reacting normally comes from places of lack, fear, and panic. We’ve all done it and regretted it.
Then why does it take compassionate people longer to speak up? It is because they ARE breathing, feeling the suffering of others, and pausing long enough to respond in a more thoughtful way.
This is the time to BE on your soap box, This is the time to speak up for those who haven’t used their voices or have a voice. Don’t think about it as saving your own skin, BTW there is nothing wrong with that, but saving the health and lives of thousands of people young and old.
Turn your reaction, into compassion, and INTO ACTION.
Help those in leadership to do the same. They need us more than ever to mindfully advocate for the safety of our school communities.
Gratefully,
Mary
Who Is Advocating for Sanity?
If you are a member of a school watching the recent news it might make your guts clench. Some colleges and school districts are planning to re-open in the Fall but close after Thanksgiving. Wouldn’t it be safer for students, staff, and the community to reverse that plan?
And what concerns me is, albeit the political equivalent to shaking hands and kissing babies, is the answer to this question. “Can you guarantee the health and safety of staff and students?” “Yes, as safely as possible!”
That doesn’t answer the question. Districts and universities CAN’T guarantee zero community spread.
Be honest and say, “No, we can’t guarantee no one will get sick. But we are following the CDC guidelines and HOPING for the best.” Now that’s a honest answer.
If you work or attend school it is hard not to laugh or cry at some of these guidelines and conversations about how to “safely” re-open.
Let’s take band, choir, and P.E. for example. 6 feet apart is not enough space when kids are breathing more heavily than in any other classroom. Droplets are going everywhere. Okay, then try 10 feet apart. Oh, wait how do you blow through your horn or sing with a mask on? Kids will be passing out on the track while sprinting in face coverings
Spit, saliva, and sweat is everywhere in these classes. Honestly, even at 6 feet apart I would only have space for 11 kids in a band class.
Even if we are talking about “normal” classrooms can you honestly imaging feeling safe? Kids are coughing and sneezing constantly. And many don’t have the use your elbow thing down.
Are we going to provide PPE for those who don’t have any? Where is the custodial man power coming from to “sanitize” every inch of the building more than once a day? These positions have been cut back drastically all ready so they can barely get their normal duties done.
Think about k-5 sanitizing everything shared between uses? Who is doing that? It would take the teachers and kids at least 60 minutes of each day to do this by the time it was added up.
Is the government going to NOT severely cut school budgets by millions of dollars so districts can hire bus drivers, custodians, purchase PPE, sanitizer, and plexiglass shields? Will we have money for buses, only 1 kid per every 6 ft., to get these kiddos to school?
We say we value teachers and schools. We say our children are the most important resource and we love them but…yeah let’s take a chance on this re-opening with out a vaccine idea.
This morning I heard an interview. The thrust of the conversation was basically, we have to re-open child care and schools so parents can go back to work, children can start learning, and school is the safest place for kids.
We all want to work and reclaim a sense of securiry.
We hear from students that it isn’t to much work but they don’t know how to manage their time in order to get it done. Their sense of loss, grief, and confusion is paralyzing for many.
Parents are trying bravely to care for their kids and traverse the pandemic as gracefully and courageously as superheros.
But, sending our children back to school without compassionate and creative conversation based on science is dangerous.
If this train of thought continues un-checked we will be marching our school staff and students into a war zone of dysfunctional germ control. Community spread will occur quickly as infected school members and kids go home and out to the grocery stores.
Does it have to be a black and white solution because trust me this is not the best solution.
This is a desperate attempt to get the economy going and promote someone’s political agenda.
It might sound like I am ranting or venting but here is the deal. Mindful advocacy, honesty, and standing up for the health and safety of our students and staff is not venting.
Education has turned into every thing to everyone. Why is that and is it even right? It is a commentary on the state of our country. But, if that’s the way it is going to be then don’t cut the budgets and do listen to the experts inside the building before sending them off to a potential disaster.
Parents need to work and make money. People need to not just feel safe but BE safe.
We are all in this together can’t just be a nice thing to say anymore.
New solutions, creative thinking, and compassion is required.
We cannot try to fix a problem by putting others in harms way.
That would be the easy solution, the temporary fix, and it normally leads to a dead end.
The pandemic is asking us all to stop and think not just about our personal priorities but the priorities and health of our small, large, and global systems.
The systems that made our society “work” are not working anymore. Going back to “normal” would ultimately recreate this crisis again and again and again.
If you are reading this blog I apologize for likely preaching to the choir. [Put your mask on please.]
I guess one of my points is we can’t sit quietly on our meditation cushions and not get up and advocate for change.
Compassionate conversations and solutions might not be easy or fast but they may certainly be better for everyone in the long run.
Be well, be kind, be compassionate, and think creatively.
Gratefully,
Mary
What Good Can Come From This?
As the weeks have mysteriously rolled by since we started working from home let me ask you, “How are you doing”’ Be honest, be vulnerable, and lay it all out there.
Does anyone else feel guilty, grateful, or quietly lucky that there are parts of this thing that you like? Like a guilty pleasure. We shouldn’t be enjoying any of this should we?
Here’s the deal. Working in education is like being on a runaway stagecoach! Or for a more modern analogy it is the scene from Return of the Jedi where Han Solo is flying our heroes through an asteroid field!
Dodging and weaving every and anything that comes at you at warp speed. “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!”
When I use to be “at” school and chat with my husband, Jay, by phone on the commute home we’d compare our days. Some days the asteroid field was the only way I could accurately describe how I felt and the zillion things I did that day that all seemed equally critical.
Am I the only one who does NOT miss the rat race? Granted I miss my kiddos and colleagues a lot! But, I could get use to the “soft” opening every day.
Start each morning with coffee, meditation, exercise, and an actual breakfast. Make the bed, take the dog out, and still have time to set up my second cup of Joe next to my school laptop for our 8:30am ZOOM staff meeting. Is it bad that I LOVE this part of the work day? It seems so, I don’t know humane and sane?
How many of you are still eating lunch in 15 minutes in front of your emails? NOT me. I am making a healthy lunch, sitting down to catch up on the news or watch something relaxing on TV, Oh, yeah and lunch can stretch from 15-30 minutes! Is it a bad thing, to digest?
There is also something meaningful about putting your family first. Making sure I am caught up with school work by the time Jay comes home so we can focus on each other. These days mental and physical health for ourselves and our families SHOULD be number 1.
We are learning how fragile life is. We are being forced to put our priories in order. If we don’t the consequence could be life itself.
I don’t say this out of panic but out of a profound sense of gratitude. If we take the time to try new ways of shaping how we teach, connect with family, and take care of ourselves we can take advantage of this astounding situation.
Distance learning is hopefully not permanent. Trust me sports, music, drama, and art classes are just a few programs that don’t work this way.
And the kids need each other desperately. Humans are social creatures. Isolation was used to torture people back in the day. Connecting is more important than ever.
How can we combine the wisdom we are gaining with traditional education?
Will society demand schools offer: agriculture, home economics, auto shop, personal finance, wood shop, and all those life skills classes that would have helped our kids be more prepared for today?
My mom is a great cook, seamstress, and former 1st grade teacher. Dad was always building fences, gates, barns, and tending to the farm animals as a retired college professor. Fortunately, my parents insisted my brother and I participate in many of these endeavors But, these life skills were reinforced at school so we could survive and thrive as adults.
What a wonderful partnership between families and schools.
We are gardening, raising chickens, baking homemade bread, canning, drying, and sewing. Some of us are learning how to repair our own appliances, cut hair, and changing the oil in our cars. These are some of the lovely humanistic activities we have re-engaged with for our own enjoyment, safety and survival.
Personally, I want to keep doing these satisfying activities. It unites families, builds confidence, and reminds us of our duty to not become complacent.
I don’t want to go back to “normal.” I want to go back better than before. Smarter, kinder, more grateful for everyday people and things.
Let’s remember what was “good” or enlightening as we move into our future.
Let’s do it for all the people who have died, their grieving families, medical professionals, and front line essential workers. And if that isn’t enough of a reason we owe it to our kids and the next generation.
My Mom Read My Blog!
Hi everyone! I sincerely hope that you and yours are safe and sound. And if you are not altogether sound and not sure if you are safe you are not alone. My adorable feisty 92 yrs. young mom called me last night after reading my last blog post. On the call, she was honest about having a slightly scratchy throat and cough. What could this mean? Am I getting COVID19? Of course, being Italian my mom thought the worst… well, not the best, and called me. You know how moms are when they don’t come right out and say what they’re thinking but give you hints? “I read your blog post.” This was followed by a long pause. I said, “Oh, great wow, what did you think?” In a very grave voice she said, “How are you feeling?” Honestly, I couldn’t recall what was in my last post. “Ah, yeah I am fine, why?” Then she reminded me what I had written. Well, there’s a lesson or two in there for me. 1. Always follow up with your mother after publicly divulging your health concerns. 2. Call your mother.
Now, to be fair my family is quite close. Mom, thank goodness, calls or emails daily. And if we haven’t heard from her everyone is frantic. She is 92 after all. Our children, 20 and 25 also touch base almost daily. It would be a marvelous thing in normal times to have people in your life reach out to you frequently but in these times it is a MUST.
My family is lucky, we have had hard times, rough times, crazy accidents, health issues, close calls; you name it and we have probably been through it. But, maybe that is one reason we appreciate each other so much. I grew up in a small college town, both parents were teachers, and we lived out in the middle of a forest where my dad basically got one of each farm animal, for fun! We spent hours outside looking after the animals. My closest friend was several miles away and if I wanted to see her we’d have to walk up the scary road in the forest. [It probably wasn’t scary but when you are in elementary school you are positive Little Red Riding Hood wasn’t a fake.]
Maybe this is one reason I was so close to my parents. Or my brother and I were just super lucky and got very demonstrative parents who hugged us, said ‘I love you.” several times a day, tucked us in to say our prayers, and on and on. They weren’t perfect parents but who is? We weren’t perfect children but who can be perfect?
The point is, now is the time to call everyone in your family and tell them you love them! What on earth are you waiting for? The current health crisis is giving us an opportunity to be unusually loving if we aren’t used to it. To forgive and ask forgiveness.
Watching the news is shocking and sobering to say the least. Looking over at my husband, whose trying to hide the tears rolling down his face after the story of a nurse sobbing in her garage, because she can’t be with her family after weeks of watching other peoples family members die alone was too much for him. You know what he was thinking? What if that happens to us?
This is what I am talking about. Call or text if you must but tell every single person you have ever appreciated in your life, or who has done something great for you, that you care.
Some of us may escape this virus and some will not. We must learn from all of this social, physical, and economic upheaval. If we don’t learn then the ones we have lost across the globe have died in vain. And that would be the worst outcome of all.
So, I am texting my brother, calling our son, our daughter, mom, in-laws, etc. Make each day your best day wherever you are and under whatever restrictions or limitations.
Because you just don’t know. Go to bed each night with zero regrets.
Sending you all prayers and thoughts of good health, safety, and peace.
Gratefully,
Mary
Living Your Best Life Day to Day, Doing the Next Right Thing
Good morning friends! Around the world our lives are changing each day. It was easier at first to continue on, adjust, and stay positive. For some of us it has been 1-2 weeks living and working from home. Probably, most of us watch our state and national news at least once a day. Maybe we check in with friends who are in the medical field for personal advice. It is hard not to worry after a while. It is a challenge not to wonder if your sniffles, sore throat, or cough is…IT!
Personally, I have been focused, structured, the cheerleader, mentor, creator of projects, doer, and exerciser, but today is different. Maybe it is because our son might not be able to visit us for a couple days from the local college due to the concern of the “what if?” Maybe it is because that weird feeling in my throat [that I have been telling myself is allergies] is getting worse.
I think I have reached a moment, not critical, but of deep reflection. So, what if I really am sick with it? How does one deal with that? Where did I go wrong in my daily routine and decision making? Did I do every thing I could? I would have to say 90% of the time I did.
Washing my hands way more than normal. Spraying the house with Lysol. Not traveling as much to run errands but still…did I need to go to the grocery store that many times? Did I have to go to the barn twice as much as usual to ride my horse? [Any self respecting horsewoman would say, “Yes.”]
Then, the concern becomes “what if I have infected others?” It would be hard not to feel responsible for spreading this thing.
It is a miracle that every school staff member and student does NOT have it! So, if I didn’t get it, while teaching school, then why on earth and how on earth would I get it now?
I am quietly ruminating through this blog about what may be going through many of our minds. So, now what?
What would a truly Mindful person do? Or at least what would someone trying to maintain their Mindfulness do about these thoughts?
Here is what I keep going back to. The movie Frozen 2 was eerily timely for our current situation. If you haven’t watched it I highly recommend you do. Yes, it has a happy ending but so many fabulous metaphors and parallels that it will actually make you feel better not worse. Here is the one phrase from the movie I keep going back to, “Do the next right thing.”
How perfect is that? It encompasses so much in one sentence. Eat right, exercise, be kind, be loving, be thoughtful, DON’T GO OUT IF YOU DON’T NEED TO, wash your hands, meditate, pray, read, create something lovely, and don’t panic but be vigilant.
As I sit here typing, feeling not quite right, that is what I am going to do today.
The first thing is to start a project I saw about how to make either a bird feeder or a wind chime using a wine bottle! The bottles are soaking in the sink right now. And I am going to create a Facebook group to include my entire family so we can keep in touch.
Thank you for allowing me to share the real deal. I will keep you posted while I live my best life day by day, doing the next right thing.
Gratefully,
Mary
Body Signals
Does anyone else feel off? My body is sending me signals to take my own Mindful medicine. Do I practice Mindfulness every day? Yes, and it looks different every day depending on what’s on the to do list that day.
Body signs and signals can alert us to an underlying stress. Even if it is not in the forefront of our awareness, our bodies are trying to get us to pay attention and ask questions.
How well are you sleeping? What are you consuming? Are you ill? Have you been exercising regularly? I like to start with these foundation needs. Answering these questions honestly is like looking in the mirror in the morning. Yikes!
If you need to make changes or update your physical needs, do it! Putting it off can be dangerous to your health especially if you are experiencing stress or anxiety at work or home, or dealing with our new stress, the Corona Virus.
We get so good at “not noticing”; until we crack or pass out in my case. I had become so use to my migraine routine of exercise, neck/back pain, stretch, ice/heat, and prescription emergency migraine meds that I didn’t see the signs. Teachers are really good at plugging ahead no matter what. Not unlike the pioneers when they headed out West. Unloading necessities just to keep going up the tougher terrain. And we all know how that ended. I would prefer better than 50/50 odds.
Well, teachers rarely off-load anything. We just keep piling it on. To go along with the pioneer metaphor, we are stacking wood. Whether we are the ones layering on extra duties or school does it, the pile grows taller until…something falls off.
In this case it was me. I fell off my wood pile right to the floor. Apparently, I scared the daylights out of my husband because as I was losing consciousness, I appeared to have a seizure of some kind. Jay tried to open my jaw but it was clenched too tightly and I made horrible sounds like I couldn’t breath. This scary description has stayed with me as a reminder that stress is not worth the physical toll.
I came to seeing a big black boot in my face. It was the fireman asking me, “How did you get down there?” No one likes riding in an ambulance, being checked out at the hospital, and leaving only to wonder if this incident is going to happen again.
At first I wore a heart monitor, then had my brain imaged, but there was nothing wrong in those areas, thank goodness.
It turned out that chronic pain, medications, workload, and every day superwoman tendencies pushed me over the edge.
I can’t do anything permanent for my chronic neck issues and for the time being I will remain teaching high school with its ever growing demands of energy and time.
So, what can I do? Meditate. Meditate with the intention of discovering stress in my life. That wake up call put me back in the driver’s seat of my life. I started saying,, “No” more to requests. I purposefully moved slower.
I reminded myself that I come first, in a loving caring way for myself and others. I am not my best on the hamster wheel. When I am more present with myself I can be present for others and that’s the best gift of all for everyone.
Now more than ever, when all our lives have been unexpectedly changed, it is not an option to put yourself last and hide from the signs of stress. Listen to your body! If you don’t pay attention it will GET your attention. Slow down, breathe, do something healthy and relaxing or even fun each day. Your life could depend on it.
Mindful Horsemanship
Happy horse day! Well, for me it is. Sunday is the only day of the week I normally get to visit and ride our horse during the school year. Now, before all my fellow horse people become concerned she is boarded 30 minutes away at an amazing stable with fantastic care. Plus, several ladies ride her a several times a week which is crucial because she is 25.5 years old!
My work schedule has me at school in the evenings and Saturdays, so you can see why I LOVE Sundays!
When I have to skip the occasional Sunday I can feel something different about myself. The term un-grounded comes to mind. Why is that? It’s because being in a barn with loving barn cats, friendly dogs, and horses is heaven on earth. It is quiet, except for the sound of nuzzling noses moving hay around, the pitter-patter of dogs and cats running down the aisle to greet you, and can I say it smells amazing? Hay, grass, leather, and the sweet musky smell of a horse is intoxicating. It is like coming home!
When I am at the barn preparing to ride, my senses seem to be in overdrive. It is like I am taking it all in and becoming a part of the environment. It is great but also overwhelming sometimes.
Today I realized I was more focused on grooming than usual. My mind was not empty but not busy. Brushing the dried mud off my horse’s neck, picking her feet, and feeding her carrots was just happening without thinking about it or other things like: How will my riding lesson go? Are the lessons running on time? How is my horse feeling?
Horses, as horse people know, are unbelievable bio-feedback machines. If you are nervous, sad, angry, or distracted your horse will react in different ways. They may become tense, wary, jumpy, or spook at things more easily.
But, if you are really in the moment with your horse they are more calm, relaxed, and trusting.
Mindful riding is always better than distracted riding. There is no comparison. On the back of a horse the two become one, if you are lucky. You can feel the horse’s hooves touch the ground and they in turn can feel the slightest change in your seat, hands, even your breathing!
My best rides have been when I am purposefully breathing in a relaxed way. I’ve tried to simulate how my body feels meditating while riding. Mindfully focusing on only you, your horse, and what the two of you are practicing can produce the loveliest effect.
When I am not Mindful, trying too hard, nervous, or focused on other things, my rides can be disappointing. But, It is never the horse’s fault. She is responding to my lack of focus.
Find an animal in your life that resonates with you. Observe their behavior. Animals live in the moment! Spend time with your furry friend and see how much more Mindful you may become yourself.
Especially in uncertain times like these, animals can be marvelous anti-anxiety medication.
Gratefully,
Mary
Spread Love Not Germs
We have a mission to create a Mindful Revolution. I was thinking of ways to better cope with the current weirdness in the world. So many people are being driven by the fear of the unknown. It is imperative that we start to focus more on our mental health and less on toilet paper.
Your first mission starts with some fun and easy activities to do today.
Think of 3 things you are grateful for in this present moment.
Start to write in a Journal. Your first prompt: Act of Random Kindness [Do someone else’s chores without being asked to do it. Send a thank you card, but don’t lick the envelope. Make a simple fun sign to surprise someone in your house that shows your appreciation for them.]
Do something nice for yourself! Take a long bath, nap, read, start a fun new hobby or project, or do your own nails.
Focusing on doing nice things for others will literally make you feel better. Focusing on one self-care activity a day will help to ground your energy. If you have a lot of nervous energy use it for something positive and constructive. Exercise, clean, organize, go outside in the yard to tidy up, or try a new hobby.
We will come out of this a much better world if you join me in our Mindful Mission to Spread Love Not Germs.
Gratefully,
Mary
Mindfulness Is Not the Same as Passivity.
Let’s get something straight. Living Mindfully is not the same as apathy or passivity. Mindfulness means living in the present moment. Taking in the full measure of what is going on in that moment and responding appropriately instead of reacting out of fear or anger.
Currently, the information coming out of our government and local leaders does not run parallel to the facts from the medical profession. Politics and economics are running the show. How can we do our best for ourselves and others if we are not clear on the facts?
Another neighboring school district had a case of the corona virus confirmed today. Instead of closing the school for cleaning the district hired an outside cleaning company to do the cleaning before the students and staff arrived! If it is safe to keep students and staff in the same building then why is this company wearing hazmat suits? Politics and economics play a vital role in education just as it does in government and business.
We know that many students are hungry and possibly homeless. Attending school could be the best thing for them. Providing a meal and shelter as well as social interaction and an education is crucial. But, is this the best way?
Many of our classrooms are already over-crowded. Students sit elbow to elbow for 60-90 minutes in every class. The amount of coughing and sneezing this time of year is extreme. Schools are a hot bed of opportunity for community spread. 2 custodians in one 6A high school cannot wipe down and keep clean all the places people touch.
Some teachers are being asked to provide wipes and hand sanitizer for their classrooms. How do you do this when the store shelves are empty?
Where is the Mindfulness in all of this? It is in responding with logic, questions, compassion, listening to your gut for the difference between right and wrong. Just because a person with authority said something doesn’t make it so.
We have an ethical and moral obligation to respond with the intention to put human life first. Not the almighty dollar or reputations.
Many Mindfulness leaders stand up for justice without using violence or anger. Compassionate logic without staying silent is critical.
Support the medical profession and people who are working to bring the facts to bare. We can solve this crisis together.
Being Mindless On Purpose
There have been moments or events during the past week where I have chosen to not be Mindful. It was like watching my self make a conscious decision to see what would happen if I chose to react instead of respond in a Mindful way. An experiment of sorts.
The results were everything from a rushed hairdo that went kaput to hours of lengthy emails that interrupted the lives of others and ultimately led to multiple bad decisions.
The interesting thing in all these Mindless decisions was I had a choice at any time to pull out of it. Stop, breath, let go, and take my time. Instead it felt physically good to allow the old “semi-frenetic” emotions energize me.
This “experiment” provided a comparison between me in a mindful state and me not in a mindful state. I could see, hear, and feel the difference between these two choices.
Very profound. One of the gifts of Mindful meditation is being able to create space for yourself and others. There in lies the ability to observe what is happening instead of being caught up in the emotions of the event.
If I had not had a Mindful meditation practice my observation would never had happened,
My recent Mindless behavior and reactions did not produce anything positive. However, I am glad it happened because it is a reminder that mindlessness doesn’t pay.
You Are Not Your Thoughts
There are many Mindful concepts to practice. One of the more complex concepts can be that we are not our thoughts. Personally, this concept took me a while to grasp. I remember thinking, “How can this be?”
How are we NOT our thoughts? Over time we develop a sense of self based on many things including how we look, how we feel, who we are in our relationships, what we do for a living, and how we handle failure or success.
Have you ever noticed that voice in your head? The negative tape loop? What does it say? It’s never anything good. You have to be mentally quiet to hear it. It runs in the background of our daily lives, sometimes loud sometimes soft.
When I started practicing quieting my mind and returning to presence I heard it. It was shocking, liberating, and revealing. I was at school in between classes making a dash for the restroom. While in the washing my hands I heard, “You’re not as good as the other band directors.” “Why is it always a struggle.” “You’ll never be as good as them.”
Holy crap, there it was! Loud and clear. I had been stuffing those feelings down not allowing them to surface but low and behold they were brain washing me anyway.
None of those statements were true. I may have “thought” they were true but it was really a fear getting the better of me. Not my reality.
Once you become aware of the negative tape loop you are better able to deal with it. A few minutes after hearing my negative cheer leader, I imagined my hand reaching for a light switch and flicking it down turning off the loop.
I kid you not, it worked! My mind was quiet. I was observing the silence, calm, freedom, of my being!
It didn’t last forever, but long enough to make an impact. Now when the loop or the noise starts back up again I flick the light switch off, and boom I can just be.
So here is the thing social media, advertising, societal expectations, and our upbringing have contributed to the self doubt in our heads.
It is like shedding an ill fitting coat and uncovering our innate self.
I am kind, loving, patient, forgiving, hopeful, funny, creative, encouraging, curious, and spiritual. All of these attributes and more are played out in the roles we take on during our life time:
Mom, wife, daughter, friend, teacher, musician, equestrian, etc.
My challenge to you is to play with this idea. Do you hear your negative tape loop? What is it saying?
Why is it saying that? What deeper purpose does it serve? Is it fear, disappointment, regret?
How can you turn it off? Now, how do you feel? What kind of possibility does this open up for you?
Check out my meditation about this subject. My students love the imagery about hearing and handling their negative loop.
Remember, YOU are an amazing, beautiful, complex being.
And YOU are enough just the way you are.
Gratefully,
Mary
Student Mental Health
When I look in the eyes of my students I see so much. Unlimited potential, energy, hopes and dreams, self-doubt, and anxiety.
No one is immune from stress. All ages, socio-economic levels, cultures, and genders experience it. If our students could only see what we see in them maybe they’d be more hopeful.
Teaching and education has changed a great deal over the last 32 years. I’m sorry but take away all the laptops, hundreds of emails per day, meetings, speciality trainings, and required committees we might be able to actually strengthen our relationships with our students.
Studies have proven that a healthy trusted relationship with an adult at school can make a huge difference in how a student feels about school and themselves. The statistics show that almost a third of our students have experienced some sort of trauma.
Trauma doesn’t have to be excessive or extreme. But, enough that children have difficulty bonding, communicating, trusting, and sadly liking themselves. It is no wonder that more children than ever are having academic and behavioral issues at school.
Students who get straight A’s, cheerleaders, athletes, performing artists, and the disconnected all struggle with stress and anxiety of some kind at some point in their educational careers.
So, what do we do about the state of our children’s state of mind?
Educational systems are now starting to respond to our students’ mental health in various ways. Social Emotion Learning and Mindfulness studies are offering students a way to reconnect with their inner wisdom and teach tools to recognize negative self-talk.
Data directly from student surveys and questionnaires, confirm that they are craving help. They are not numb to their disconnection with themselves and others. Help with school stress, exam anxiety, anger, self-doubt, depression, and feeling judged are common themes of concern.
Classes taught by a qualified Mindfulness teacher help students feel safe enough to eventually share their feelings. They discover they are not alone. Mindfulness concepts and meditations give students tools and skills. They eventually grasp big concepts like: we are not our thoughts, compassionate witness/reflective listening, non-judgement and loving kindness.
Students can use the benefits from Social Emotional Learning and Mindfulness studies to be healthier and happier, while positively changing their schools for the better. Engagement with curriculum goes up without increasing stress.
Mindfulness is not a one time cure all. It is a daily journey back to presence for our students and ourselves.
If we can use our normal curriculum as a vehicle to improve students’ lives then we are succeeding.
Mental health first. Test scores second.
Crisis to Test Your Mindfulness
“Your school is on fire!” I received this text from a former band parent and long time friend last Saturday. Wait, what? Almost immediately I went onto all things media to find out more details. As the days unfolded the extent of the damage, total loss of a couple classrooms, and our entire leadership/activities store room became sadly evident. Personally, my band room is 1 of 20 rooms that could be inaccessible for a total of 3 weeks. Some of these rooms will be unavailable the rest of the school year!
Displacing twenty teachers and hundreds of students to new spaces is no easy task. Our school is the oldest in our district with no extra rooms for 1500 students.
The drama classes are in a regular classroom, the choir classes are in the teachers lounge, and I and all my band classes plus guitar/keyboard class are housed in my Mindfulness room. How ironic, right?
Can you imagine a classroom with no chairs or desks, let alone music stands in a room with only yoga mats and meditation cushions for the school band?
Luckily. in some weird way we made it through finals week in our new rooms! But, Monday is the beginning of 2nd semester with new kids coming to classes in rooms that don’t normally work for the curriculum or activity.
How does a band move forward with no insturments and no place to play?
Thankfully, I have been teaching Mindfulness and practicing it for several years. Time to walk the talk in an extreme long period of discomfort.
Educators know that students feed off our energy and respond accordingly. If the teacher is calm and rolls with the punches most likely the kids will to. That was Plan A.
However, the night before the kids came back to school, after the initial outbreak of the fire, I was
in bed ready to fall asleep and noticed I wasn’t breathing normally.
My jaw and body were abnormally tight and my breathing was shallow My thoughts were minimal.
Thanks to Mindfulness my body was telling me
that I was on my way to a possible panic attack.
How could this be? My mind was calm and my classroom was as ready for the kids as possible.
The answer, I had absorbed all my stress and the stress of others.
Although, my thoughts and actions were handling this new crisis in stride my body was telling me I needed to go deeper into my Mindfulness practice.
Back to basics more frequently was the answer. I didn’t meditate more because I meditate every morning and afternoon, but I focused more on my breathing and physical cues.
Breathing calmed down my nervous system.
Teachers get the message that they must schedule and control every element of every day for their students well-fare, whether that message is sent directly or indirectly it is the undercurrent of what we do. Mindful Concepts of allowing, living in flow, and letting go, when implemented into our school lives, will help to manage the enormous sense of responsibility we have.
Yes, prepare your fanny off, but then tap back into your breathing and let go. Honestly, that is the only time this past week my belly relaxed enough to take a truly full breath.
For now my students are rolling with the punches and trusting we will get through this stronger and more Mindful together.
Thankfully, we had prepared mini-Mindfulness lessons for the entire school in preparation to lower exam anxiety.
Wow, was that timely or what?
The staff is being reminded to take care of each other, help, offer, and ask for assistance.
Honestly, I don’t know how it will go. But, I am following my own advice; Plan A, B, and C are in place.
Now it is time to let go and live in flow.
Test Anxiety for Students and Teachers
Students and teachers both feel exam anxiety. Teachers hear the anxiety and stress in the voices and comments of their students. Many teachers, being sensitive mentors, are hoping the best for the students. Hoping they studied, asked enough questions, and will pull through the exam with flying colors or at least pass! We want the students to do well and also to learn from the consequences of not passing for when it may count even more when they are out in the world. What do we do with the pressure of finals week or important exams? The good news is we can do so much more than we used to using Mindfulness and meditation techniques. My students confirm that taking a few deep breaths before taking a test lowers their anxiety. Teachers can guide a class through a quick and simple set of “arrive and settle” techniques to help us all arrive to class with both our bodies and minds; feeling grounded in our chairs by closing or lowering our eyes and taking 3 or more relaxing breaths can settle the nervous system; visualizing ourselves easily answering test questions and calmly working through parts of the test that are more difficult. Realize that there are hills and valleys when test taking.
Lastly, I like to ask students to respond to the test results in a positive way no matter what. This helps to drive home the point that one that fails is not a failure. Do your best and learn from the experience in order to be more successful next time. Naming exam anxiety and pre-teaching relaxation techniques can also lower the teacher stress that comes from having to find time to grade all the exams, enter the grades, and deal with disappointment or frustration from the students and sometimes parents.
School Starts Tomorrow!
Ha! Well, if you are on the same district schedule as some of us Winter break is coming to an end and school resumes in less than 24 hours. How you feeling right now?
Personally, I had a great break. It was both laid back and productive. A couple days ago though this weird tight uneasy feeling started in my chest. What could that be? I knew in a nanosecond it was school. Vacation is almost over! Was that a little voice in head screaming? Oh, God, please let me be wrong, or I win the lottery, or early retirement?
That feeling of finally being a normal human being whose able to pee when you NEED to, eat a lunch that lasts more than 15 minutes in front of your computer, and have adult conversation? It is over? Yup, over in less than 24 hrs. people.
Okay first let’s get real. We work in a place that eats up most adults. I have many analogies, we all do when trying to explain to the outside world what it is like to be a teacher. But, they still look at you like a big whiner because, and say it with me friends: “You get your summers off.’ OH, thanks for the reminder. When is that happening? In six more months!
In this moment it doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks about teachers and school staff. We all know the truth. And the truth must be made loud, proud, and profound. Being an educator has become a single word to define our continuously growing job description. Here we go: Nurse-give shots, know which kids have food allergies. Counselor-listen and comfort the daily onslaught of student fears, anxieties, and depression. Communications manager-Answer/priorities 100’s of emails every day that each ask you to DO something that certainly DOES not take a few moments of your time. Was any of this in your personal In box or to do list? NO.
Logistics manager-planning the ever changing logistics and processes of getting students, classes, field trips, contests, staff meetings, parent meetings, department meetings, learning team meetings, and educational development on the schedule for the week.
Safety Officer-God forbid a school shooting occurs however we are continuously trained for it.
Teacher-I put this last. We know why it is last. Because it is the LAST thing we have time left to do. Teach! Make lesson plans, gather supplies for your lesson plans, grade papers, clean your classroom, and buy supplies for lesson plans and classroom with your own money.
Did I mention warp speed? We are all multi-tasking at warp speed? The crazy thing is not only has all this become normalized as necessary, but we do it. We willingly go at mock 12 like an octopus on energy drinks to get it all done and done well because we are…educators.
My hope is you can read this and acknowledge how totally amazing you are as a human being and an educator! We all do this with a loving heart and warm smile. We do this because we LOVE the students and believe that somehow we are making a difference in our students lives.
But, and it’s a big but, is it worth your health? Is it worth the time you have left with your family?
The answer is NO. No it is not and here’s wby.
Educators are the worlds most important resource. Think about the influence we have on our students. Sometimes it is almost to much responsibility. But, it is also a gift and an honor to serve children and families. Thankless at times yes, but still an honor.
How can you be an educator today and not kill yourself in the process?
Mindfulness.
The more you practice Mindful concepts, meditation, being aware of YOUR wellbeing and self care, the better a teacher, educator, and family member you will be!
I know you want to always give and give your best. But, what do you have left to give when you’ve emptied your bucket? Sometimes, people even punch holes in your bucket.
You have to be the one to say, enough. I need to take care of me so I can continue to take care of you.
In this moment remember you are a superhero. What do you need for the rest of the day to take care of you?
Do it. Do several of these “its.’ They don’t have to be expensive or take a long time.
In fact I like to have categories for self care. Quick and easy, takes some time and space, must put it on the calendar.
If you are feeling tense about going back to school do some fun things, calm things, distracting things to get it off your mind. Live in this moment. It is the only moment we have.
Lastly, here is a wonderful Mindfulness meditation you can do with your eyes open and on the move!
Name 3 things. Name 3 things you can see, hear, and feel.
But, you most say each of these 3 things twice.
Example. I see the phone on my table. I see the phone on my table.
I hear my husband moving the couch. I hear my husband moving the couch.
I feel my right foot is stiff. I feel my right foot is stiff.
Say these things slow and in complete sentences really focusing on what you see, hear, and feel.
Be aware of how your breathing slows and becomes deeper. It might sound worthless but it works.
Do this as often as you need to through out your day.
Do it at school! No one will even know you are “meditating.”
Educators are the worlds most important resource. Take care of you so we can take care of them.
Gratefully,
Mary
Mindful Riding
We all do Mindful things everyday. Notice what they are, how you feel, and apply your already Mindful traits to everyday things in your life.
Whether you are a horseperson or not we all of activities in our lives that are inherently Mindful. Think of something you do that absorbs all your senses. Something you may be passionate about or really interested in. And when you are doing that something you aren’t thinking about anything else! You are literally in the moment, curiously aware of everything around you with a broad view, and every sensory part of your being is engaged.
My high school students and I discussed this topic by thinking about when they are most Mindful. Their answers were everything from reading, swimming, basketball, to painting. These activities are things the students ENJOY doing and chose to do. Not a forced or a have to do it list. But, I want to do…blank.
As we continue down this journey of Mindfulness it helps if you can feel and recall when you ARE already Mindful. Mindfulness is not a new thing or a new word but a way of describing when we are at our best! Living in the present moment, not thinking about unrelated things, enjoying what we are doing while being calm.
As a Mindful Studies teacher I have thought a lot about this. I like to point out to my students that they are already being Mindful in so many ways. The trick is to get to that Mindful state when you are doing all the other things that life throws at you. The things you don’t want to do, don’t like to do, or are uncomfortable surprises.
The more you can pull your already developed Mindful traits into other parts of your life the easier and more productive life becomes!
Horses and music have been a huge part of my life. When I was 3 years old my folks took me and my older brother, who was 8 at the time, to our first horse back riding lesson. I will preface this with some family history and horses. My dad’s father had several jobs and one of these jobs was to break and train horses in their town. My dad grew up with horses and animals of all kinds. And he wanted his family to grow up in the country with a menagerie of animals including horses.
A 3 year old is not a tall person. But, my most vivid memory, the moment I became horse crazy, was walking into that dark old barn, breathing in the sweet smell of hay, leather, horse, and being able to see only these creatures from their knees down! That’s all I needed to see. Done. I was quickly and firmly scooped up by the “Old Wrangler” as my dad called the horsewoman, plopped onto the saddle, and sent out the barn door to a huge pasture. The rest of my riding lessons were more like a saddle nap. No, literally, after a few loops around the pasture I would fall asleep in the saddle with my trustee steed, Old Flame, underneath me! My mom, a city girl, finally got use to the fact the horse wasn’t going to runaway with me and that I had found my personal heaven.
My brother on the other hand was having the opposite experience. Maybe it was because the big black geldings name was Wahoo! Or maybe it was because my brother wasn’t all together thrilled with the idea of being an actual cowboy. Either way, he and Wahoo had quite a rodeo. He didn’t ride much after that.
So, for whatever reason we find our special things that really make us happy.
The magical relationship with a horse as a partner is it has a brain, feelings, and can sense even the slightest tension, stress, or anxiety in the rider. How is that for a Mindfulness feedback machine! If your tense the horse becomes tense, anxious, and worried. The horses breathing speeds up with yours, muscles become tight, and now it is fight or flight time because the two of you have fed off each others feelings.
Not only is this interesting and relevant to Mindfulness but it can also be dangerous as a rider! When it becomes a matter of safety or even the difference between life and death, horse people have been taught to be extremely aware of their own nervous system. We are taught to be aware of our own breathing. Taught to not only be aware of what every muscle in our bodies are doing but how it is effecting the 1000lb horse underneath you. When you are a Mindful rider you are truly in the moment and ultimately trying to be at one with your horse.
My life with horses has taught me a lot about Mindfulness even before I knew “Mindfulness: was a thing. My hope for you is to take your already learned Mindful traits and apply them everywhere. Experiment and see what changes in your world.
More about the Mindful Musician another time.
Gratefully,
Mary